Dating in a post dating world
I may have offered a very brief explanation of the challenges women face when reporting assault and harassment, but then let it go. I’ll take temporary discomfort over the pain of silencing myself any day.""I’d never told any of my past boyfriends—or dates—that I had been sexually assaulted in college.
Instead, he was subjected to a long rant about how such reports often fall on deaf ears, how reporting often creates more conflict in the woman's life than in the perpetrator's, how shame is dealt unfairly in such situations. It had never come up and I had this sense of shame built around the ordeal.
But the much-needed reckoning (or witch hunt, as some might call it) didn’t stop there. People began to grapple with whether you can love someone who’s been accused.
They asked whether you can appreciate art created by someone who's harassed others.
Showing films in 3D, IMAX, and standard formats, The Picture Show offers second run movies in its discount theater.
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I met a man a few months ago who works in the media.I loved that we could relate on work matters, but I knew all too well about the industry's thinly-veiled secret culture of misogyny. That made me feel a type of comfort I'd never felt before; I felt safe confiding in him about my own assault when I was 19.I was quite wary that he, too, would be a 'shitty media man.'My litmus test was simple: casually mention scandals in the media and gauge his reaction. While it should've been the bare minimum for him to react how he did, it's become so rare to find a man willing to listen to my story and not ask invasive questions I wasn't ready to answer or offer refutations about what they would've done in that moment.If he had responded in condescension or acted as if it didn't matter, that would have been an issue for me. It’s taken intense effort to stay with our conversations rather than bolt in fear, frustration, and sadness over feeling misunderstood. When my boyfriend and I began dating over a year ago, and immediately had the most open, intuitive, authentic communication I’ve ever had with a man, we were thrilled. Something in me clicked one night, and I typed up my own personal story for my blog in hopes that it would help me process and move forward… Well, the guy I was just starting to date happened upon the blog (girls aren’t the only ones to cyberstalk pre-date, I suppose)—and he asked me about it.For me, these scandals conjure bitter personal memories of sexual harassment, plus painful memories of uncountable times men and society silenced me, explicitly or implicitly. To him, I’m a whole person, my own universe, rather than simply a satellite in his universe—a first for me in a romantic relationship. Why did they continue to engage with their harasser, professionally and personally, even after the awful things he did? I have felt deep frustration and yes, anger, perhaps even moreso because my man is one of the good guys. In making victims 'wrong' by questioning their choices and actions, we perpetrate the cycle of shame and silence. He commended my strength and apologized for his gender.
Ahead, eight women reveal how they’re approaching dating in a new, post-Weinstein, #Me Too world (one that likely wouldn’t exist if we weren’t also in a post-Trump world) and what it means to open your relationship up to these difficult, necessary conversations."What’s startling for me, post-Weinstein, is how little has changed in the way I date. I’m not the only one who runs this drill: when going on a date with someone new, every woman I know has a network of friends on the other side of her phone screen. We acknowledge a truth in our quiet routines—that even if we aren’t heading into a hotel with a powerful man, we know better than to go alone.